the swiss flag is square

Last night I yodeled in front of over 200 people.
I swear I didn't volunteer, but as least it went well.
Mike also owned the stage when playing the Ricola horn.
We kicked ass.

I also Popozow'd like an idiot during Laura's on-stage beer chug. Take a look, it's so funny.

"spaniard, you shoud see the coliseum"

After literally blowing away 17 Euros worth of internet connection on YouTube (who knew Data transfers mattered when paying that much for economy class internet?), I'm back with some info while Mike sits on the shitter, threatening to throw me off my own computer. I just heard him struggle with a poo hahahah. Eat shit Bart.

Italy has been fantastic. I touched the Coliseum. I could honestly end this post with that. It was one of the maybe six things I want to experience before I die, and I did it only days ago. I actually broke off a chunk, took a picture of the broken wall, and kept the piece. some day I'll chew your ear off with my explanation. I also saw the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, as well as the Last Judgement.

Yesterday, Mike and I sat on a beach below Positano , drank Peroni, and looked at bare tits. Life was really tough by this point. I also had the opportunity to photograph a nice series of Italian kids on the beach, once the bare-chested nudity subsided, of course.

I experienced really bad jet lag for the first four days, which is something very far from my character because I'm normally quite adaptive to changing time zones. Around 4 p.m. here in Italy (we're six hours ahead of the Ontario time zone), I'd crash and wake up again around 1 in the morning, exhausted.

The land here is mysterious, and I haven't quite wrapped my head around the people, cuisine, or the language. Seeing as I had some lag at the beginning of the trip, I'm just starting to get into the swing of things. I haven't had a glass of wine yet, in 6 days.
The itinerary looks really exciting. Tomorrow we visit Pompeii. I know what happened there, but am not sure what it looks like exactly. I want to see some crusty bodies! haha. Holy shit this is informal. Speaking of informal, here comes the mind flood. Fuck this sentence shit.

I miss my friends. All of them. Specifically, I miss freestyling at 26.5 Glasgow and kissing Tess. She's pretty. Call me a cheesy motherfucka : don't give a fuck.

My beard is getting hefty, and I'm debating whether or not cutting it off. Please, no comments by those who sponsor my beard.

Honestly, if you read this, email me your address. You'll get a postcard. If you haven't, or I haven't asked yet, here's your opportunity. I'm very good for sending postcards.

I had heat stroke-dizzyness today. Skipped out on a dinner and watched Party All The Time for the most part. Faxe followed.

The lemons here are the size of grapefruits. TGRI would have something to say about this. Anyone who catches this reference is a nineties guru!

Don't be afraid to send me texts people. Recieving them is free. I have my phone on several times throughout the day.

We only get CNN and BBC here in Italy. Buncha dry mothafuckas. GAAAAWWWWWW.

I'm excited to see my band again. I've been listening to our demos for our new record while on this trip and am so bloody excited to record this summer.

Time to go finish my 1L can of Faxe, which I bought for 2.50 Euro.

tour photos

it all depends

Alright, another one of those quick entries because I had to pay ten Euros to use the internet just to look up a few addresses, so enjoy it because I could have bought like eight beers with ten Euros.

The other night we thought we'd hit up some local polka party time. This was also another one of those infamous "all you can drink" evenings. The dinner starts out with Schnapps for everyone, except nobody at my table liked that shit because you could remove nail polish with it. Therefore, my inner Irish pushed me to drink everything in sight. The worst part of this was that I forgot about the notorious Polish hospitality, and those shots never stopped coming. An empty glass meant a refill apparently, amongst all other alcoholic beverages. I'm sure you have a hangover just from reading this.

There was a lot of traditional songs and dancing throughout the night, most of which I don't remember because I was drunkenly laughing hard at pretty much anything. But it's vacation, right?

Notice the amount of (empty) shot glasses surrounding my bowl of soup. I also threw down a couple glasses of red wine and several bottles of Zwyiec. After the meal, everything became a bit hazy. Now, I've never seriously lost control of myself when drinking (except for those two times), so I had a good understanding of what was going on. It was time to fucking polka! I should also mention that I never drink hard alcohol because I think it's the devils delicious juice and I can't pace myself.

The band was cookin' and the circle began to take formation. I didn't know dick about the polka at the time but I was totally ready for what was to come. We danced in a circle to some fairly hype polka music and this cute Polish girl laid down a towel in front of me. Apparently this meant we both have to kneel on it and kiss cheecks a few times, to which the towel gets passed to me and then I get to choose who gets smooched next. Now, don't get me wrong, I had my pick of the litter. There were good looking girls in this circle, but what happened next is a classic move from the Book of Andy. Are you ready?

Whoooaaa shit!

I totally macked up that old broad.
To be honest, I can't stop laughing when I look at that photo.
Oh those cheecks. They were so damn smooth.
I really don't have anything else to say about that. You can draw your own conclusions. If I was really funny I would create an alternate ending to that story that would end in some Depends joke, but I'm not that funny and only have 15 minutes left of my Hilton Vienna account.

There's no real end to this story. We went back to the hotel and drank some more with Bernie and Mike in the lobby. I woke up with a hangover and an old broad in my bed.

Like I said, I'm not that funny.