it all depends

Alright, another one of those quick entries because I had to pay ten Euros to use the internet just to look up a few addresses, so enjoy it because I could have bought like eight beers with ten Euros.

The other night we thought we'd hit up some local polka party time. This was also another one of those infamous "all you can drink" evenings. The dinner starts out with Schnapps for everyone, except nobody at my table liked that shit because you could remove nail polish with it. Therefore, my inner Irish pushed me to drink everything in sight. The worst part of this was that I forgot about the notorious Polish hospitality, and those shots never stopped coming. An empty glass meant a refill apparently, amongst all other alcoholic beverages. I'm sure you have a hangover just from reading this.

There was a lot of traditional songs and dancing throughout the night, most of which I don't remember because I was drunkenly laughing hard at pretty much anything. But it's vacation, right?

Notice the amount of (empty) shot glasses surrounding my bowl of soup. I also threw down a couple glasses of red wine and several bottles of Zwyiec. After the meal, everything became a bit hazy. Now, I've never seriously lost control of myself when drinking (except for those two times), so I had a good understanding of what was going on. It was time to fucking polka! I should also mention that I never drink hard alcohol because I think it's the devils delicious juice and I can't pace myself.

The band was cookin' and the circle began to take formation. I didn't know dick about the polka at the time but I was totally ready for what was to come. We danced in a circle to some fairly hype polka music and this cute Polish girl laid down a towel in front of me. Apparently this meant we both have to kneel on it and kiss cheecks a few times, to which the towel gets passed to me and then I get to choose who gets smooched next. Now, don't get me wrong, I had my pick of the litter. There were good looking girls in this circle, but what happened next is a classic move from the Book of Andy. Are you ready?

Whoooaaa shit!

I totally macked up that old broad.
To be honest, I can't stop laughing when I look at that photo.
Oh those cheecks. They were so damn smooth.
I really don't have anything else to say about that. You can draw your own conclusions. If I was really funny I would create an alternate ending to that story that would end in some Depends joke, but I'm not that funny and only have 15 minutes left of my Hilton Vienna account.

There's no real end to this story. We went back to the hotel and drank some more with Bernie and Mike in the lobby. I woke up with a hangover and an old broad in my bed.

Like I said, I'm not that funny.